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Just Saying “Sorry” Doesn’t Cut It

September 24th, 2018

By: Karen Colligan

In the wake of the #MeToo movement, we’ve heard multiple “I’m sorry” statements from public figures who have been accused of bad behavior. Most of them sound pretty much the same. “I’m sorry for how I’ve hurt my family, my friends, my (fill in the blanks)…

Let’s get real.  Just saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t cut it.  Apology not accepted.

While you can’t go back and undo whatever the offense or error was, a few robo-words in response to it do not in any way compensate, nor do they make the offended party feel any better. You need to take ownership, acknowledge the impact of your error or offense, and assure the other person that it won’t happen again.  In other words, you need to be sincere about it. Saying “sorry” and being sorry are not the same things.

This applies to all errors or infractions, not just the big and public ones.

Imagine this scenario.  You’re on a project team with four other people.  The target project completion date is looming, and your deliverable is key to hitting that target. You’ve had a hellish couple of weeks. Family issues, and “fires” in your day-to-day responsibilities have put you behind. You didn’t alert anyone, because you were so sure you’d be able to catch up.  The day of reckoning – the status meeting – has arrived. How do you convey “mea culpa” to your team?

"I’m really sorry, folks. Between family issues and fighting fires there was just no way I could get it finished. I know it puts us behind, but it just couldn’t be helped."

Or…

"I realize that my slipping this deadline has put our hitting the target date in peril. I should have given you a heads up early last week when I first recognized I might not make it. I didn’t, and I know that was irresponsible. Here’s what I’m going to do to get us back on track, and how I’ll prevent things like this in the future…"

As a member of the project team, which would convey more sincerity to you?

I’m on a mission to encourage more kindness and courtesy in people’s day-to-day lives. Promoting sincere apologies is part of that.  We’ve seen multiple examples of insincere apologies from politicians and other public figures. Enough already.

Let’s move the tide in a different direction by: 1) taking ownership; 2) acknowledging the impact; and 3) assuring the injured party that it won’t happen again.

Till next time,

Karen

 

conflict resolution, Kindness, Learning, Life, Relationships

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Calling for Random Acts of Kindness

September 12th, 2018

By: Karen Colligan

In the current divisive and rather mean environment, I imagine many of you wake up wondering, “What is this world coming to?” I know I do. It would be so easy to just crawl under the covers with a good book and a powerful flashlight and wait until the world gets better. But then, I’ve never been one to just wait around for things to change. I think we each have a responsibility to make the change we want to see in the world – even if we can only make it one small step at a time.

I’d like to suggest that we start the change by committing to a random act of kindness every day. It doesn’t have to be big. It can be a kind word, a smile, opening a door, helping someone across the street.

“Unexpected kindness is the most powerful, least costly, and most underrated agent of human change.” – Bob Kerrey

As much as it’s about the kind things you do and say, it’s also about NOT doing and saying the unkind things that may sometimes fight to be heard. The rant against someone who thinks differently than you; the angry email to a co-worker who let you down; the horn or (admit it) hand gesture in response to a careless driver; the snarky, anonymous comment on an online article. Pack those away in a “venting box” in favor of a kinder world.

Tomorrow, instead of waking up wondering what the world is coming to, wake up and ask yourself, “How can I be kinder today?” Then commit to looking for opportunities to show someone you care. Here are some ideas.

• Do a chore or run an errand for an elderly neighbor.
• Let people merge in front of you – even when they’re rude about it.
• Call your Mom.
• Say “please” and “thank you.” Always.
• Volunteer at a food kitchen.
• Smile and say “hello” to everyone you pass on the street.
• Buy breakfast or lunch for a homeless person.
• Donate to a food bank.
• Give a blanket or some warm clothes to those in need.
• Help a stranger.

You probably will find lots of opportunities, big and small, to be kind. I’d love to hear about your random acts of kindness and how they made you feel.

“Never believe that a few caring people cannot change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.” – Margaret Mead

Till next time,
Karen

Kindness, Life, People

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Unless you’ve had your head buried in the sand for the past year or so (and who would blame you?) you’ve probably felt the effects of the big black cloud of negativity that’s looming about. I see it hovering in the buildings of the organizations I work with, reflected in the grim expressions of people on the street, and bolstered by the politicians and pundits we hear every…single…day. Even Pollyanna might have difficulty finding something to be glad about today.

So what are we to do? Give in to the negativity? No! Despite what’s going on around you, you have a choice as to how you respond to it, just like in this Native American legend.

One evening an old Cherokee was teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego."

"The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

I’m here to suggest that you feed the right wolf. Make a conscious effort to focus on the positive, and increase what Shirzad Chamine calls your “positive intelligence” (PQ). Not only will you be happier, you’ll improve your relationships, increase your success at work, and, let’s face it, be a lot more fun to be around!

Here are some ideas for feeding the right wolf.

-Think about one thing that is causing you a lot of stress. Now think of three ways you can turn that into an opportunity.
-Practice saying “Yes, and…” instead of “Yes, but…”
-Keep a gratitude journal. Each day, write down something positive about the day.
-Surround yourself with positive people.
-Turn off the news and turn on a comedy.
-Get away from your computer and go for a walk, a hike, a run or some other activity OUTSIDE.
-Play.
-Watch kids at play.
-Meditate.

And check out my latest podcast: Please and Thank You - words that are very easy to use.

Let’s make positivity (and politeness!) “trending…”

“You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind.” – Joyce Meyer

Till next time,
Karen

Kindness, Life, People, Stress, wellness

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Rudeness is NOT a Core Competency

June 21st, 2018

By: Karen Colligan

Is it just me, or does rudeness seem to be on the rise?

You walk through an airport and it’s like “bumper-people” – people walking and talking on their phones and not paying attention to what’s in front of them. Or what about people who have a long (and loud) conversation on their phone without considering that maybe no one else really wants to hear it?  Or when you’re in a restaurant with someone and throughout your conversation you can see that they have one eye tilting toward the mobile which they’ve left on the table top because they’re waiting for an “important call.” So what am I, chopped liver?

Seriously, people. Put the phone away. Talk softly. Look where you’re going.

And it’s not just phone etiquette. It’s common courtesy and respect for others that seem to be taking a back seat to some individuals’ needs to be first in line, to take all the credit for something (that they worked on with others) or to shape their environment so that it works best for them, regardless of the consequences or how it might impact others.

A while back I wrote a blog about “The Young George Washington’s Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation.” (Leading by example. Ahem.)  I’ve borrowed a few and added a few to create Karen’s Rules of Civility.

Smile – even at a stranger – you never know what amazing things may come of it.

Say “Please and Thank you.” Always.

Be accountable. Do what you say you’re going to do by when you say you’re going to do it.

Be on time. Being chronically late to meetings or events or dinner shows a lack of respect for others.

Remember, we’re all human; we have good days and bad days. Don’t glory in someone’s bad day.

Listen. Put down your cell phone and engage in conversation.

Be kind to one another. (Borrowed from Ellen DeGeneres).

Tell the truth. Mark Twain once said, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”

Be curious. Never stop learning.

Forgive. Life is too short to hold a grudge.

It’s not rocket science. Set the example and hopefully others will follow.

You can hear more on this blog topic in my podcast, Rudeness is NOT a Core Competency.  Let’s bring courtesy and kindness back!

Till next time,

Karen

Accountability, Gratitude, Kindness, Life, Personal development

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Resolve or Evolve? Time to “Shake It Up”

January 10th, 2018

By: Karen Colligan

Circle of Life.FINAL

Chances are, you’ve spent some time since January 1 thinking about and/or talking about what your “resolutions” are for 2018. Admit it. It’s something we do automatically every year. And although some of us may have the same set of resolutions every year – lose weight, exercise more, drink less, earn more, travel more, work less – we are confident that THIS will be the year we keep them. But the fact is, it’s estimated that by February, 80% of resolutions have dissolved. Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?

Too often we focus so much energy on changing one aspect of our life that we totally neglect the other aspects. For example, there’s that promotion you want, so you put 110% of your energy into doing the work, gaining the visibility and finding the opportunity that will get you there. Pretty soon you’re skipping the gym, eating junk food at the office for dinner, and saying “no” to time with family and friends. “Vacation? Not happening!” And do you get the promotion? Sometimes. But at what cost?

There is a better way. We need to “shake up” our approach, put balance back into our lives, keep it simple, and, of course, insert some fun!

Let’s do an exercise. Close your eyes. No wait. Read this first. Then close your eyes. Imagine you are standing in the center of a circle – the circle of your life. There are eight sections in the circle, each representing a different aspect of your life:
1. Career/Business
2. Financial
3. Friends/Family
4. Health/Fitness
5. Personal Growth
6. Play/Fun
7. Significant Other
8. Spiritual

Now. Think about your life today and where – in that circle – you spend the majority of your time and effort. Is it in your career or business? Probably true for many of us. Is it worrying about your financial situation? Is it at the gym trying to forget about your career and your financial situation? What other aspects of your life are you neglecting in the process? Is your circle leaning significantly in one direction? Time for a change. If you truly want 2018 to be a better year, you need to get your circle back into balance. Here’s how.

1. Assess. Think about each of the eight aspects and how much attention you pay to them. Then rank each of them from 1 to 10 with 1 being “I pretty much neglect it” and 10 being “I spend most of my time and effort here.”
2. Review. What patterns do you see? What has been the impact – on you, on the neglected areas?
3. Recharge. Change the “out of balance” pattern by creating one or two SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound) in each area of your life. These are not New Year’s resolutions that will dissolve by February, but reasonable goals that will help you pay attention to ALL aspects of your life.
4. Commit. Write the goals down. Put a due date on them. Share them with someone who will keep you accountable. Better yet, find an accountability partner who will recharge their circle of life and then you can keep each other accountable. It’ll increase the fun factor, too. And need I say that the fun factor is verrrrrry important?
5. Maintain. Keep checking your balance throughout the year to ensure that it doesn’t get off kilter. There will be times when you need to focus in one area more than the rest. That’s natural. But assess, review and recharge on a regular basis to ensure that you don’t let that one aspect of your life cause you to sacrifice the others.

Don’t resolve, evolve!

Here’s to a balanced and AMAZING 2018! I’m declaring this The Year of Shakin’ It up!!

Till next time,

Karen

Goal setting, Life, Personal development, Planning, wellness

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Reflecting on The Year of Possibilities…How Did You Do?

December 11th, 2017

By: Karen Colligan

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Although it seems like just yesterday, way back in January I declared 2017 “The Year of Possibilities.” I challenged you to “Do at least one thing this year that will stretch your being…your thinking…your heart…your soul… Think about it. What will that be?”

I even gave you some tips to get you started:

Just DO IT already – go on that vacation, learn a new language, or do nothing for an entire weekend!

Stop multi-tasking – how can you see possibilities when you’re doing 3 things at once?

Pay attention to what’s around you – open your eyes to see what you miss when you’re on autopilot!

Listen…really listen – what is this wonderful, crazy universe trying to tell you?

Dream BIG – if you don’t dream for yourself, no one else will. Make a “possibility list.”

So…how did you do? What possibilities did you identify? Which of them did you turn into reality? Please share in the comments section below.

I’m happy to share that 2017 has truly been a Year of Possibilities for me – and that by following the above tips (yes, I take my own medicine) I turned a number of possibilities into reality. Here are three of them.

In July I went to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Museum in Cleveland, Ohio. This had been on my bucket list for years, and I decided to just DO IT! Did it stretch my thinking and feed my soul? You bet! It was so inspiring to see and learn about people who truly live their dreams.

By paying attention to what was going on around me, I learned that Bruce Springsteen was going to be performing on Broadway beginning in October. I’ve been going to Bruce’s concerts since 1975, but seeing him on Broadway would be a first. So you better believe I was going to turn THAT possibility into reality. I did and it was beyond my expectations! If you want to be good at your work, you have to take some time to feed your soul.

And by paying attention, really listening, and dreaming big, I embraced an opportunity in early November to stretch myself (and challenge my fear of heights) when a friend invited me to join her on a trip to Peru to see the Inca ruins at Machu Picchu.  We climbed Wayna Picchu (ahem…elevation 8,924 ft.) which rises over Machu Picchu, and offers a magnificent view of the 8th Wonder of the World. And, trust me, I was terrified!  Woo hoo!  I did it!!!

As for eliminating multi-tasking, I’m still working on it, and getting better all the time.

If somehow this Year of Possibilities slipped by you, I hope you’ll take some time over the holidays to think about what you can do next year to stretch your being…your thinking…your heart…your soul…

“Talk about a dream, try to make it real.” – Bruce Springsteen

Till next time,

Karen

Bruce springsteen, Life, Possibilities, wellness

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