I have to tell you that attending this congress is a humbling experience.  Although I am a burn survivor myself – at age 2, I received second and third degree burns as the result of scalding bathroom tap water – I am continually amazed at the strength, resilience, and inspiration that abound in the midst of the 900 or so people who attend this event each year.  And I am so thankful to be part of a community that looks at people from the inside out – that values the essence of the individual, and that focuses on kindness and acceptance, rather than judgment. It seems so simple, and yet if we look at the interactions around us every day – from cranky people at work to mudslinging in politics – it’s a rarity indeed.

While the World Burn Congress is at times an emotional roller coaster – the stories are both sad, and inspiring – what I came away with most was inspiration and hope.  Despite what these survivors and their families have been through, many of them have learned to find joy.  They have found many reasons to be thankful.

Which brings me to my purpose with this blog. In this season of thanksgiving, I encourage you to take a step back and think about what – or who – brings you joy. Who are the people in your life that have supported you, inspired you, encouraged you, or done things for you? Make the time, and create an opportunity to say “thank you.”  Write them a note or give them a call. Be specific about how they’ve impacted your life, or what the gift of their time, their encouragement, their kind words, no matter how small, meant to you.

This has been a difficult year for everyone. But there are so many people around us – first responders, healthcare workers, other essential workers, teachers, family members, friends – who we know in our heart of hearts have helped us make it through.  

How will you say “thank you” to them this year?

“Gratitude is the sign of noble souls.” – Aesop

Till next time, keep it real. 

Karen

The post Make the Opportunity to Say “Thank You” appeared first on PeopleThink.

“You can sit at your computer (or on your phone),” I wrote,  “and conduct your business, order lunch, buy groceries, watch a movie, discuss the news, shop for clothes, and share personal experiences and updates and never have to look another person in the eyes.”

Little did I realize that just two months later we would all be doing just that. Not by choice, but by mandate in the interest of keeping ourselves and each other safe and healthy.  I get it.

Now, nearly 10 weeks into the work-at-home scenario, many who had previously fantasized about not having to drive to the office or being able to work in their sweats are dreaming of a time when they can be in the presence of their business colleagues. Can we all agree that video conferencing just doesn’t cut it?

In a recent New York Times article, “Sorry, but Working from Home Is Overrated,” the author concludes that while working from home is a good option for some (and for all during this pandemic) “most people should work in an office, or near other people, and avoid solitary work-from-home arrangements whenever possible.”

Why? Because research shows that although remote workers are more productive, what they gain in productivity “they often miss in harder-to-measure benefits like creativity and innovative thinking.” When people are able to work together in the same room, they solve problems quicker.  Impromptu conversations at the coffee station or in the halls can stimulate new ideas and approaches.

Face-to-face, eyeball-to-eyeball conversations without the filter of a screen help promote empathy, collaboration, and relationships. Facial expressions, body language and sharing personal stories can shape the dialogue in a way that our structured and staged video calls cannot. Let’s face it, on video calls we all are wearing our “I’m-paying-serious-attention-face.” We’re on the screen for all to see.

So, here’s an idea. Let’s not make working remotely the “new normal” as some companies are suggesting. When it’s safe to go back to the office, let’s give people the option to balance their work week between remote and in-office days. It will still reduce commute time and allow those highly-productive sweatpants days. And it will also enable the innovation, collaboration and relationships that can only come from human connections.

And what could be better than that?

Till next time, keep it real.

Karen

The post Let’s Face It, We Need Human Connections appeared first on PeopleThink.

Here are 5 common team challenges and what you can do as a leader to fix them.

Lack of trust. This refers to trust in you and in each other. A lack of trust impairs productivity and may lead to missed deadlines, milestones and even project failure.

Solution: Build trust by being very clear about team purpose, individual roles, and expectations. Be open, honest and consistent. Be willing to tackle tough issues and to stand up for the team. Demonstrate empathy. And demonstrate that you trust the members of your team.

Poor communication. Infrequent, incomplete or disrespectful communication impacts employee engagement and may lead to errors or intra-team conflict, ultimately affecting productivity and goals.

Solution: Communicate clearly and regularly. Share as much as you can, especially about business information that may impact the team or their work. Listen. Ask for feedback, ideas, solutions. Model open, honest and respectful communication so the team will mirror that among themselves.

Lack of accountability. When people aren’t held accountable for the quality and timeliness of their work others may have to pick up the slack resulting in conflict or missed deadlines or – at worst – project failure.

Solution: Be sure everyone clearly understands expectations and the impact of not meeting those expectations. Challenge your team to higher performance goals and establish an environment where they hold themselves – and each other – accountable for results.  Include regular progress reports, open sharing of mistakes and lessons learned, and team discussions on how to move through roadblocks.

Conflict and tension. Some conflict is good for airing different ideas. However, when left unchecked or unmanaged, it can lead to distrust in the leader and impair team progress.

Solution: Harness the power of diverse thinking. Create an environment that encourages fresh ideas and approaches. Reach out to those who are less vocal to ensure that their ideas get added to the mix. When everyone feels heard and appreciated, “conflicts” become productive discussions. When tension arises between team members, facilitate a discussion to get to the root of the problem. Overlap of responsibilities, perceived lack of effort or contribution by a team member, and personality differences are common causes.

Working in silos. When team members each march to their own drum, chaos ensues, wasting precious time and resources.

Solution: Be sure everyone has a clear understanding of their role, other team members’ roles and the importance and interdependence of each role and task in achieving team goals. Establishing this knowledge up front will prevent duplication of effort, project delays and team conflict.

And remember, the best teams bring diverse personalities, skills and experience to the table. Recognizing the value that each individual’s skills and traits contribute to the team and how they complement each other will help you lay the groundwork for a well-functioning, high-performing team.

Till next time,

Karen

The post Team Derailed? Here’s How to Get Them Back on Track appeared first on PeopleThink.

Let’s get real.  Just saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t cut it.  Apology not accepted.

While you can’t go back and undo whatever the offense or error was, a few robo-words in response to it do not in any way compensate, nor do they make the offended party feel any better. You need to take ownership, acknowledge the impact of your error or offense, and assure the other person that it won’t happen again.  In other words, you need to be sincere about it. Saying “sorry” and being sorry are not the same things.

This applies to all errors or infractions, not just the big and public ones.

Imagine this scenario.  You’re on a project team with four other people.  The target project completion date is looming, and your deliverable is key to hitting that target. You’ve had a hellish couple of weeks. Family issues, and “fires” in your day-to-day responsibilities have put you behind. You didn’t alert anyone, because you were so sure you’d be able to catch up.  The day of reckoning – the status meeting – has arrived. How do you convey “mea culpa” to your team?

“I’m really sorry, folks. Between family issues and fighting fires there was just no way I could get it finished. I know it puts us behind, but it just couldn’t be helped.”

Or…

“I realize that my slipping this deadline has put our hitting the target date in peril. I should have given you a heads up early last week when I first recognized I might not make it. I didn’t, and I know that was irresponsible. Here’s what I’m going to do to get us back on track, and how I’ll prevent things like this in the future…”

As a member of the project team, which would convey more sincerity to you?

I’m on a mission to encourage more kindness and courtesy in people’s day-to-day lives. Promoting sincere apologies is part of that.  We’ve seen multiple examples of insincere apologies from politicians and other public figures. Enough already.

Let’s move the tide in a different direction by: 1) taking ownership; 2) acknowledging the impact; and 3) assuring the injured party that it won’t happen again.

Till next time,

Karen

The post Just Saying “Sorry” Doesn’t Cut It appeared first on PeopleThink.

Most of us are familiar with the techniques that help with effective communication – active listening, not interrupting, clarifying questions, paraphrasing, withholding judgment, etc. These all contribute (when you remember to use them) to effective communication, defined as when the sender and receiver of information interpret that information in the same way.

I think, however, that in today’s environment we’re really struggling with that last part. Too often conversations turn into interpreting information “my way” instead of listening to the other person and trying to find common ground. And some conversations, especially if they’re about current events, can’t even get started. I have a friend who cannot even broach the subject of current events with one of her family members because they are on opposite poles of the political spectrum. He just shuts her down. I’ve heard other similar examples. Some have completely ended relationships.

Is this really the way we want to live? In this Year of Possibilities, how about the possibility that we might learn something from listening and trying to understand someone else’s point of view. Why do they think that? What are their hopes and fears? What are the outcomes they’d like to see? I think we might find that what we want is similar, but the approach may be different. If we can’t listen or if we aren’t allowed to speak, how do we find out what we have in common so we can move forward in a more civilized way?

There was an article in the Huffington Post recently that I think expressed this really well. The author, a professor at Oregon State University, grew up in a conservative, working class family, but became more progressive over the years. She writes directly to people in communities like the one she grew up in and asks, “are you willing to have the conversation? Is it more important to you to win than to do good? Or can we build coalitions? Put the needs and rights of all others above ideologies?”

Just think how much more we will learn from listening and being curious rather than from telling and needing to be right. Just think of the possibilities…

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” – Dalai Lama

Till next time,

Karen

The post Start the Conversation and Unleash the Possibilities appeared first on PeopleThink.

“Please” and “thank you” have all but disappeared. And the immediacy and fervor of social media seem to have unleashed a flood of negative and nasty comments that years ago would have kept Proctor & Gamble soap distributors in business.

Enough already.

It’s time for us to pause and consider, “The Young George Washington’s Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour in Company and in Conversation.”

Apparently this is not the first time our society has suffered from a lack of kindness, civility and manners. Originally from a list made by French Jesuits in 1595, Washington wrote out the rules as a handwriting exercise when he was a teenager. There are 110 of them. I won’t share them all, but here are 5 that seem especially relevant today.

25th – Superfluous Compliments and all Affectation of Ceremonie are to be avoided, yet where due they are not to be Neglected. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

65th – Speak not injurious Words neither in Jest nor Earnest. Scoff at none although they give Occasion. If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything. Be kind!

82nd – Undertake not what you cannot Perform but be Careful to keep your Promise. Do what you say you are going to do.

89th – Speak not Evil of the absent for it is unjust. Don’t gossip or speak behind someone’s back.

110th – Labour to keep alive in your Breast that Little Spark of Celestial fire Called Conscience. THINK before you speak, before you write, before you act.

In the spirit of George Washington, I’d like to add some modern-day rules to the list. So here are Karen’s Rules of Civility.

1. Smile – even at a stranger – you never know what amazing things may come of it.
2. Say “Please.” Always.
3. Say “Thank you” and acknowledge the gift or deed or service received.
4. Remember, we are all human; we have good days and bad days. Don’t glory in someone else’s bad day.
5. Listen. Put down your cell phone and engage in conversation.
6. Be kind to one another. (Borrowed from Ellen DeGeneres).
7. Say: “Yes, and…” not “Yes, but…” Be positive! See the possibilities…
8. Tell the truth. Mark Twain once said, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”
9. Be curious. Never stop learning.
10. Forgive. Life is too short to hold a grudge.

Thank you for listening.

Till next time,
Karen

The post Igniting a Campaign for Civility appeared first on PeopleThink.

Plan. The longer you wait the harder the conversation will be. You may think that the issue will eventually go away – and it may – but a similar issue is likely to arise at some point and you will regret not dealing effectively with the first one.  Decide whom you need to talk to and get some time on the calendar with them. Schedule a meeting place that is private and without distractions, and schedule it at a “lower-stress” time of day.

Prepare. Think about the following:  What is your goal with the conversation? What are the facts of the situation you want to discuss? What has been the impact? What questions can you ask to gain their perspective? Spend some time thinking about how the other person communicates and what they might need from you to be receptive. Do they need a lot of facts and details, or are they more of a “bottom line” communicator? Consider this in your approach. Focus on structuring your conversation so you start by creating a safe environment and then work toward a mutual solution.

Proceed. As Stephen Covey would say, “begin with the end in mind.” Clarify why you are having the conversation and establish a mutual purpose. You may find that they’ve anticipated this conversation and are relieved it’s finally happening. Maintain respect throughout. Ask for their perspective and find points where you can agree. If things get heated, take a break and then go back to your intent and desire for a mutually acceptable outcome.  There may not be one, and you need to be prepared for that. You may just need to agree to disagree. But by initiating the conversation, being clear about your intent, the facts, and your desire for a positive outcome, you will at least be opening the door for a more positive outcome in the future.

Certainly beats letting all that stuff fester. And the next difficult conversation may not be quite so difficult.

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

Till next time,

Karen

The post Don’t Avoid that Difficult Conversation appeared first on PeopleThink.

If you don’t already have something on the calendar, I encourage you to take a few minutes right now (well, after you finish reading this) and pencil in a week or two weeks or whatever your schedule allows. You need a break. It’s good for you, and it’s good for your employer.

Taking vacation has been shown to:
• Reduce stress
• Contribute to better physical and mental health
• Improve relationships

When companies encourage their employees to take vacation, they benefit through:
• Higher employee productivity
• Stronger workplace morale
• Greater retention
• Healthier employees

Whether you take an exotic vacation or a low-key “staycation,” get something on the calendar before the summer gets away from you!

Once you’ve scheduled your vacation, don’t stop there. I highly recommend that you pick a day this summer, and in fact, maybe once a month or once a quarter, that is just…for…you. One day that is your day to do whatever you want, except work! Go to a spa, take a hike, play a round of golf, or just sit by the ocean…whatever feeds your soul.

Just like you need to give your body a break from your workouts, you need to give your brain a break from your work. Thinking, managing your emotions, making decisions, creating new ideas, interacting with others, all require mental effort that can wear your brain out. You need to give it a rest.

In the words of Maya Angelou: “Every person needs to take one day away. A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future. Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence. Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.”

Till next time,
Karen

The post What Are You Doing This Summer? appeared first on PeopleThink.

So what are we to do? Give in to the negativity? No! Despite what’s going on around you, you have a choice as to how you respond to it, just like in this Native American legend.

One evening an old Cherokee was teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

“The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

I’m here to suggest that you feed the right wolf. Make a conscious effort to focus on the positive, and increase what Shirzad Chamine calls your “positive intelligence” (PQ). Not only will you be happier, you’ll improve your relationships, increase your success at work, and, let’s face it, be a lot more fun to be around!

Here are some ideas for feeding the right wolf.

• Think about one thing that is causing you a lot of stress. Now think of three ways you can turn that into an opportunity.
• Practice saying “Yes, and…” instead of “Yes, but…”
• Keep a gratitude journal. Every day, write down something positive about the day.
• Surround yourself with positive people.
• Turn off the news and turn on a comedy.
• Get away from your computer and go for a walk, a hike, a run or some other activity OUTSIDE.
• Play.
• Watch kids at play.
• Meditate.

Let’s make positivity “trending…”

“You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind.” – Joyce Meyer

Till next time,
Karen

The post Feeding the Right Wolf – The Power of Positivity appeared first on PeopleThink.

Fast forward to adulthood. Has anything changed? Not really. “I’m sorry,” “I apologize,” or simply, “Sorry” are pretty much the standard perceived solutions to a wide range of offenses, oversights and errors.

Well, my friends, apology not accepted. While you can’t go back and undo whatever the offense or error was, a few robo-words in response to it do not in any way compensate, nor do they make the offended party feel any better. You need to take ownership, acknowledge the impact of your error or offense, and assure the other person that it won’t happen again. In other words, you need to be sincere about it. Saying “sorry” and being sorry are not the same thing.

Imagine this scenario. You’re on a project team with four other people. The target project completion date is looming, and your deliverable is key to hitting that target. You’ve had a hellish couple of weeks. Family issues, and “fires” in your day-to-day responsibilities have put you behind. You didn’t alert anyone, because you were so sure you’d be able to catch up. The day of reckoning – the status meeting – has arrived. How do you convey “mea culpa” to your team?

A. I’m really sorry, folks. Between family issues and fighting fires there was just no way I could get it finished. I know it puts us behind, but it just couldn’t be helped.
Or…
B. I realize that my slipping this deadline has put our hitting the target date in peril. I should have given you a heads up early last week when I first recognized I might not make it. I didn’t, and I know that was irresponsible. Here’s what I’m going to do to get us back on track, and how I’ll prevent things like this in the future…

As a member of the project team, which would convey more sincerity to you?

I’m on a mission to encourage more kindness and courtesy in people’s day-to-day lives. Promoting sincere apologies is part of that. We’ve seen multiple examples of insincere apologies from politicians and other public figures. A recent article in The Atlantic, “The Art and Science of Apologizing” dissects a few of them.

Let’s move the tide in a different direction by: 1) taking ownership; 2) acknowledging the impact; and 3) assuring the injured party that it won’t happen again.

Call your sibling and give it a try.

Till next time,

Karen

The post Just Saying “Sorry” Doesn’t Cut It appeared first on PeopleThink.

Listening. In my last blog I talked about the importance of listening. It really is fundamental to building trust and developing lasting relationships. In my work, where many clients have the same or similar issues, it would be easy to tune out and simply recommend what’s worked for others in the past. But here’s the thing. Although the issues may be similar, every client, every organization, every particular situation is different. Goals are different. Personalities are different. Specific challenges are different. Tune out for a second, and you may miss that one critical piece that will separate success from failure. Never assume you know what to recommend until you’ve asked all the questions and really listened to all the answers.

Partnerships. I have to admit, I’m pretty uncomfortable with “selling.” So my approach has been to build partnerships with my clients – it’s about “we” and not about “me.” How can I help my clients achieve their goals and be successful? I’m happy to say that I still hear from clients I worked with years ago who reach out to seek my counsel and coaching on a new challenge or opportunity. They know that I will listen, and give them honest feedback based on their needs. They also know that they can trust me to: do what I say I’m going to do, always be on time, keep them accountable, and infuse a bit of fun into our work.

Continuous learning. Continuous learning means that in this rapidly changing world I strive to keep up-to-date on research and best practices in leadership, team and organizational development. Over the years I’ve adapted to and incorporated new assessment and learning tools, such as Lumina Spark, that provide my clients with more robust, evidence-based, and actionable information. And continuous learning also means that even though I’ve been doing what I do for 16 years in PeopleThink and in the corporate environment for many years before that, I learn something new every day…from colleagues, from people in my workshops, from partners. Having an open mind and heart and knowing you don’t know it all is essential to building and maintaining the types of relationships that will make your business thrive.

Please join me in raising a toast to 16 wonderful PeopleThink years! I’m looking forward to many more!

“Most of the successful people I know are the ones who do more listening than talking.” – Bernard Baruch

Till next time,

Karen

The post What I’ve Learned by Listening to My Clients appeared first on PeopleThink.